Thumbs Up / Thumbs Down

Every day, I exit the downtown 6 Train on the North end for work.  Technically, it's the 51st Street station for the E, M and 6, but the E and M Trains are on the lower level.  Leaving on the North end, the rear of the train, I am able to exit on 53rd and walk directly into my office building.  To do so, however, I have to navigate down a very narrow set of stairs with a bunch of other commuters.  This path was an inspiration for this blog, as coming into work every day is not unlike a combat zone.  The stairs I descend run alongside an escalator going UP, which some enterprising people decide to ignore so they can barrel up the steps like a tank and run head on into a steady stream of commuters such as myself.

The reason I decided to recognize this subway station for Thumbs Up / Thumbs Down is because there is something here that makes me smile, followed by something that makes me grind my teeth, and they appear in rapid succession:


THUMBS UP

There are two people handing out the free commuter paper, AM New York, that crack me up every single day.  One of them is at the bottom of the stairs.  He has long dreadlocks and is always smiling.  He announces his paper to other people and says things like, "THERE'S the smile I was looking for!  Hold onto that all day long or I might steal it for myself!"

Shortly afterward, as you're walking up your final stairway, you can hear another AMNY distributor hawking her paper to people repeating the line, "AM New York!  Get all the news you need right here!  Stay safe, stay warm, stay focused!"

I love them.


THUMBS DOWN

At the same time as you encounter the second AMNY passer-outer, you realize she's yelling over music.  Now, let's be clear:  I am one of the rare people who likes buskers - normally.  I will turn off my iPod in order to hear the guys on the subway itself, trying to squeeze in a song between stations, or the people on the platforms who are making a living doing what they love for anyone who'll listen.  I can't imagine what that must be like for them, so I always try to listen, at least a little.

But this particular "musician" is... I honestly don't know the words to describe the infection that are his songs.

First, please note that it is one guy playing a Peruvian Pipe Flute.   This would be fine in and of itself, but he plays along with a CD that has, apparently, the rest of his bandmates playing the other tracks of the song.  So it's instrumental karaoke.

Secondly, THE CD ONLY HAS TWO SONGS.  I don't know if this is 100% true, or if Peruvian Pipe Flute music is a genre where all the songs sound the same to me, but I'm fairly certain that if you walk by at any given moment, he will be piping one song from the following list:

1. Unchained Melody
2. Our God is an Awesome God

The first is a wedding standard, and also appeared in the movie "Ghost" with Jim Cunningham, the nun from "Sister Act", and Ashton Kutcher's mom, Demi Moore.  The second is a contemporary Christian song I happen to know exists because I was forced to listen to it in Sunday School in Michigan when I was growing up.  Neither is an exceptional piece of music, and BOTH qualify as songs you DON'T want stuck in your head for the day.

So, many mornings I start my day smiling at the funny AMNY people, and then immediately wanting to scream, "Hey, Peruvian!  If your God is so awesome, how come He hasn't taught you any other songs?"

Dear AM New York,













From: Jordan Knol
To: AM New York
Date: Fri, Jul 9, 2010 at 9:50 AM
Subject: We need some time apart.

Dear AM New York,

It's funny - as I type this, and can almost hear Homer Simpson's voice reading it out loud as he complains about some inane thing ("Dear Die Hard...").  Perhaps that should be my cue to stop writing.  I should.  I should stop writing this and go outside and enjoy my day, recognizing the things in my life I can't control.

However, I feel like our relationship has faltered of late, AMNY, and, as communication and honesty are the cornerstones of any good relationship, I think we need to have a talk.

When we first met, I had moved from Washington DC where I was seeing the daily circular there called "The Express".  We had experienced a passionate relationship and I looked forward to our daily visits.  At first, upon arriving to the Big Apple, you were an adequate replacement.  You had a similar sense of humor, and offered a more "Human" touch than your buddy, NY Metro (who, understandably, I think we both sort of view as your slutty cousin).  We had many fine mornings, you and I... you would make me laugh, inform me about important news, and offer me puzzles to get my mind off my commute or whatever was happening to me that day.  Let's face it:  New York is not always an easy city in which to live... you offered me some respite, and for that, I say thank you.

But you've changed.  Slowly, over time, your puzzles and news got dumbed down, as if created for someone else.  The photo captions and entertainment sections have become mean-spirited and snarky, as if written by a half dozen Brooklyn hipsters, each smoking hand-rolled cigarettes and wearing skinnier jeans than the one next to him.  The new weather captions, while at times funny, are also critical and mean, and make you look like you're trying a little too hard to be "cool", like my parents.  You've begun to sport a "new look" which, as far as I can tell, was meant only to get people to pay more to advertise in you.  Now when I spread you open it's no longer the lovely individual attention I used to feel.... it's this numb, stupid version of you.  You've become like the worst kind of sorority girl, the kind who doesn't need to say much but dresses in bright colors and stays stupid and sometimes mean and still gets whatever she wants.  She is also never wrong, which is a big part of the problem we're having lately.

I understand your most recent makeover, I think.  Everyone should do something nice for themselves.  But you took away KenKen, something I thought we enjoyed doing together.  When I complained, you mentioned the few other people that did and offered me a tiny version of our puzzle, far away from it's old home, accompanied by the comment, "Next time ask for something bigger".  Well, okay, I'm asking for something bigger.  I'm asking for it the way it was (literally "bigger").

Another example of how you've changed lately:  You repeat yourself!  I don't mind when it's an on-going news item that bears repeating, or some background to put whatever today's events were in context, but this is just boastful.  Let me ask you: is Judah Friedlander a reader of AMNY?  I bet he is - you've reminded me of that a half dozen times in the last month.  I'm happy that a C-List celebrity likes you, but please stop bringing it up just to puff yourself up and feel more important.  Many celebrities share a lovely relationship with you, I'm sure.  But you used to be demure about it, as opposed to thinking it made you look more "cool" by dropping a name.  (Side note:  Really?  Judah Friedlander?  Guys - he's ok, not great.  Because you're on the fringe of what's considered "hip", you should know this by now.)

Lastly, we need to talk about your website.  You need to start representing yourself more professionally.  The way it is now, you look like a blog.  While I'm sure this cuts down on Web costs, it also makes you appear low-rent, and it's tough to get through to you.  This only hinders our communication as opposed to enhancing it, and I'm sure many of your other companions feel the same way.

Look, Sweetheart, I know you see other people.  Lots of other people.  But you used to have this unique way of making it SOUND like sometimes it was only me and you.  Lately, you've been sterile, inaffectionate, and, at times, dimwitted.  Do I think this conversation will change you?  I do not.  I know from experience I cannot change others, and I won't try.  All I can do is express to you my disappointment, and let you know that if I occasionally visit your "cousin", Metro, from here on in, it isn't because I don't love you.  It's simply because sometimes I need to take a step back and observe who you've become from afar for awhile.  It pains me to say this, but you are no longer impressive.

I hope you understand.  I hope this message has been able to sink in on some level.  I know that one day you will evolve into something great, and everyone experiences "growing pains".  I can only pray that this is a phase you're going through, and one day you'll be able to look back at yourself and go, "Hey - I so young and stupid then... I've come a long way."

Until then, I'm going to start keeping my distance probably won't visit you as often.  Again, I hope you understand.  I can only change MY behaviours, and that's what I have to do.

Love always,
Jordan