Last night, I was standing on the sidewalk with two friends, Clutch and Michelle, and they were mentioning funny subway experiences they've had. Michelle, at one point, used the phrase, "I love crotch-watching on the subway", which is an amazing sentence and a large part of how I knew I'd be posting something today. The sentence itself stemmed from a story I have since asked her to email me for two reasons; 1. She could tell it better than I ever could, and 2. I feel a little dirty thinking about it. I promise to post it as soon as she passes it my way.
Before they knew about this blog in the first place, Clutch goes, "You know what? Someone should write down all the rules of commuting and post them somewhere. Because, in New York, let me tell you, you can talk slow and you can read slow, but you are NOT allowed to-".
This is where I cut him off, mostly for dramatic effect: "Walk slow?" I offered.
"Yes!" he replied.
So, like a magician pulling away the curtain during the big reveal, I said to Clutch, "Dude - the name of my blog is 'I Walk Faster Than You'!" At which point we proceeded to high-five in an effort to appear more Caucasian than we already did. I'd imagine it worked.
So, at some point soon, I will be posting Rule #6, for which Clutch gave me the idea by going off on a rampage about tourists. Michelle, for her part, studied her toes until it was time for her to share her crotch-watching story. She did, however, provide me with an excellent site: "People of Public Transit", which I have linked to on this blog's sidebar. It is worth checking out for significant amounts of LOLs.
Michelle also sent me this via Facebook:
As you can see from my last post, a blogger on The Huffington Post named Paul LaRosa wrote an article about subway etiquette in NYC that addresses many of the topics on IWFTY. He even answered my comment telling him I promised to always raise my umbrella over his head as I walk past him should we ever encounter each other on a rainy day. It's the least I can do for such a kindred spirit... even one from Brooklyn.
Lastly, it should be noted that I did write a post regarding the death of Osama bin Laden, I just didn't publish it. It had a bitchin' picture of Captain America standing in front of the twin towers that Google Image Search was kind enough to provide for me, and it had fireworks and noisemakers and a waterslide and a pizza party and strippers and cake. Fiancé listened to this epic description and advised against me publishing it on the grounds that this blog is known (ha!) for being snarky and sarcastic - why would I get all celebratory and patriotic now? It's is a valid point, so I decided to curb the post and keep it to myself. Personally, I think she just didn't want to share any of the fireworks/noisemakers/pizza/cake/strippers with any of you.
For the record, the last sentence of the bin Laden post was something about his last commute involving being thrown from a helicopter into the ocean.